I am so much more emotionally stable now, it is truly fantastic. Serves me right for playing with chemistry, though.
D fell off the wagon (so to speak) last night, and it was not pretty. He’s arrogant, too, for thinking he can quit smoking and not feel the effects of withdrawal after being used to smoke a pack a day (or more). His pride and self control let him even stop putting on the patch less than 3 weeks into the whole thing, so he tweaked out last night and went to get a pack. Now he’s disappointed in himself and moody, and even though there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it (other than sending naked pictures), I wish I didn’t feel so useless.
There was an amazing benefit to him quitting smoking – not only he was more horny than usual, he would also fuck more. Last night, after a lot of drinks and chain smoking, we started having sex, but he lost his erection (which he knows is a result of his smoking). For a second, I had a very vivid thought – “right now he wants to smoke more than he wants to fuck me”, which is selfish and, while correct, not at all indicative of where we stand, but it was there.
I tried to take him to bed, but he stayed on the couch, upset and angry. When I was going to check on him, though, he grabbed me by the hair, pushed me on the bed and spanked the living daylights out of me, pulling me back when I was kicking and trying to get away. It was so glorious I could barely breathe. I miss us playing, I miss the nervous flutters of not knowing whether he will push me too far. He has an uncanny ability to make wet with just one look or touch, and I love it. It gets very inconvenient though when after that he doesn’t fuck me. The whipping and spanking, hair pulling and slaps turn me on until I’m at a fever pitch, but don’t give me release. So when he stopped last night (as I was close to hyperventilating), got me under covers and held me close, playing with my nipple ring, I couldn’t help writhing against him. Thankfully (I doubt I would have gotten sleep otherwise), he can make me cum like a dream with his hands. I doubt his neighbors appreciate my moans and screams at 2am, but I haven’t cared before and not about to start now.
I love waking him up by sucking his beautiful dick and then riding him before he pushes me down and cums all over me, but I didn’t get that this morning. Now he’s angry with himself for giving into his cravings last night, and there is nothing I can do. I’m supposed to study, but the only thing on my mind is how good it feels having a nice hard dick inside me, and how much I miss it. I don’t blame D for my constant state of arousal, but I need to find someone to play with me soon. I’m sure this is exactly why it hit a nerve when he fucked Trivia Girl – I hope he had an amazing time, but it reminds me that he didn’t fuck me. So the logical next step is to find someone who will scratch my itch.